Once upon a time, before there was any blue,
I take a long, Long nap in a brand new home.
This place, it's like I make up my mind to stay in this lovely, warm pink goo.
With the thumpedy thump of the heart.
My only true pal.
I tell the noisy world out side to fuck off with all your play acting.
Poor Runt, she going nowhere, for no one.
That was a time when silence was some sort of friend.
But then my mum, heave and rip all inside.
And Runt, she wakes up, cause a baby can't stay still forever.
A baby must be born.
So hold on mum, for the little baby she's comin out.
Push the baby. Push the head.
Ooh, the fuckin pain.
Mum crying like a barber herself, the silly cow.
Push now, push ya fuck mama, ya.
And I arrive into this world of mine,
with the light so bright,
it wakes me awake with my little baby scream.
She's a little beaut.
A diamond eh.
And I remember seeing my old Dad, so full of the happy he was.
The nursie hand me to my mum.
And she's so tired, yeah.
Opened up to spit me out into this funny old world.
I smile at her cause that's what babies do.
And for the one and only time, we three are a family.
Only a few moments old and I start thinking things then.
Staring at that white sky right above me.
And, I want for something altogether different.
And that's when I hear him.
And through the naudy and big ears ward, I search after his cry.
A cry so lonely it scares me and makes me cry too.
And all the sites that we could see they go invisible when we hear each others cries.
And that's when the magic it all begin.
It begin when the baby Pig and baby Runt, stare through their baby eyes you see.
And the crying and screamin'd stop.
From that moment we become one, and we need no one else... nobody.
Night 'ol sweet ting
Cheerio 'ol pal.
Tomorrow So?
Sure, what else?
Night beautiful
Nigh, night.
What's the color of love Pig?
Sorry love, Love?
Dunno.
But you know the way tings, they got a color?
I wonder what the color o love is.
Jesus Runt.
You could read a tousand tick books and never know the answer to dat quiz.
It'll be a good one to know tho, hey?
It'll be brilliant Runt.
It's here somewhere.
There you are Runt.
That's the Big Blue there.
All that water, huh?
Hey it'll all yours Pal.
Mine Pig?
Birday present init?
17 in 17 days on the 17th.
I wanna to walk into the sea and never come back.
I want the tide to take me out of me, and give me someone different.
Maybe for a half hour or so.
That'd be good wouldn't it Pig?
Say again
Just for a try, you know?
Jesus Runt that'd be impossible, 'a half hour', fuck!
D'Ya know, they'd make a huge space ship rocket.
And take it up to the cosmo shiny stars all twinkle, twinkle.
And I'll sit in my saucer and I'll have a good look down on the big, big blue.
And there'll be a button called LASER that would blast all the shity bits that you'll see.
And I'll fire dat fireball,
and I'll fire back down to Cross Haven Beach,
knowin' dat all dat's left is my room, your room,
an a palace that shine out of the pool for the king and the queen.
Cause that's all that matters Runt.
The rest is just weekday stuff fun.
A palace.
It's a dream.
You know where the palace is.
Darren.
Free drink please?
Wha?
Free drink preddy please?
Jesus Darren, the boss will kill me man.
I ask ya nice, nice man.
Hand fuckin over Mr. Crabby Balls.
Mr. Wha?
Mr. Sick Dick and Mangy Cock man.
That's the name yeah?
Wha?
Listen Darren, Sinead.
Fuck!
What ya fuckin looking at for eyes?
D'ya mam not teach y'any manners?
I tink it's broken
Yeah, ya ain't meant to play the piano in da symphony an all.
Fuckin shame man.
What?
Are you deaf or what?
Oh, yeah good choice Sinead.
Bloody rock if you're gone.
What happens next Foxy?
Jesus Darren, money?
Look da boss'll slaughter me boy.
For the vodka, ya dope.
Oh, right cheers.
God bless.
5
4
3
2
1
Well excuse me!
It's simply not a healthy relationship.
I mean you have to separate them, for their own good.
Expulsion would be the easy way out.
In fact to be honest wit you I would like even go further
to having the little feckers flogged.
This, is their reaction
to us not letting them in the end of year photograph.
Their over reaction.
You don't say.
What should we do Saul?
I tink da floggin idea sounds good.
This, is their career guidance forms.
Which we received back from yesterday.
So as you can see here Darren wants to be a King and Sinead a Queen.
Most days, we wanna wish the mum and dad far away.
I remember tinkin, all da good tings we've already done.
And now only 5 years old,
and all the good tings to come for the deadly jewel.
It was me, and him.
So no word we speak,
as the world around jabbers out stuff that goes nowhere's to no one.
And we promise to never change.
To stay like this forever.
It's a sad old town ay Runt?
But our town ay pal?
Hey pal?
Whad'ya think?
I make it myself.
Okay?
Beautiful.
Yeah?
Beautiful face your's.
Oh fuck off.
Honest.
Like some model ya see of da telly.
'Cept so much better Runt.
Better believe is boy.
Okay?
I have seen roses.
Da me, da me
Da masked.
Da masked red and white.
But not such roses see.
See, I inartite.
Cheeks, and in some perfumes, is there more delight than in some perfumes.
Then in the breath than from my mistress wreaks, Christ Mark get it together will ya?
And yet by heaven I tink my love is rare.
As any she beloi, but falls compare.
Sorry can I sit down now please?
Excuse me.
'Scuse me Marky. Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
What's all this about then ape man?
Is dis in the Olympics?
Not a Porno flick now is it?
I mean, a bit of respect for da people around.
You wanna nob de old dad?
You wanna flap the titties on the boy face,
you do it shacked up in bed okie dokie?
What?
Wha? Wha?
D'you wanna go den wit your what?
Whoa, whoa look we're really sorry Darren.
Sorry. Fuck man wanna be.
We don't any trouble
Same here mammy, same here.
Just tryin to get trough da day, dats all we're ever doin.
Just keep your paws off her crack okay?
Okay, yeah.
Good!
Carry on den.
What?
Fuckin kiss her ya nancy.
Nice tank top.
Yeah?
Nah.
"Let's get da drink yaa!"
This special residential training centre
in Carrandonna in Doneagle, it's called the Alan Centre okay?
It's wonderful really! It might give Sinead a trade maybe.
Get her mixing d'ya know what I mean?
I mean we don't want her to end up in some shabby remand centre.
She's a bit too clever for that!
What about Darren though?
To be honest,
we think he's a lost cause.
What d'ya think Jerry?
Fuck it I haven't a clue ya know.
What can I tell ya, were'd, were just knackered.
We're done.
Let's do it so.
Fuck!
I wanna sit down alright?
You're hurtin me!
Fuck off would ya!
Let me the fuck sake, let go!
No Pig! She nuting!
Leave the bitch be huh?
Just pick the fucker soooo.
5
4
3
2
1
Oh Pig he kissed me, ya dirty doggie.
She¡¯s mine, she¡¯s mine! Mine! Me and her King and Queen ya fat boy!
Pig! Pig! Pig...
Please Runt?
Hey Runt?
Yeah.
You're my life Runt!
And you me.
Night'so sweet thing
Cheerio Pig
Why I kissed her on a lips of Runt?
And now all I taught my eyes to, is Runt I take and taste.
I close the eyes, yeah.
And see the inside a Runt's legs.
Silken tighs and the little heaven panties dat sit above,
that little foory toff, yeah.
And with my paws, I cup and kneed.
And Runt, she get all soft and moist,
and she gently press into my hand, which seem to call her in.
She come in, and we on the floor and lick the stiff tips a tits.
And all the time, she on my finger.
The tongues, they disco dance and we move the wet spit above the face.
I feel it's the time, Pig need to be a man.
And all caught up in the pants, and zip, zip.
Runt, she take my all shiny hand, and I open her real soff, open.
And she wet, and moan, little moan.
And I push and touched a way in.
Now Pig and Runt are now one.
And now we move, and all is soft and warm and wet.
And the two we're at last'ing the sex.
We move slow and gentle yeah.
And Runt, Runt give one more moan and Pig, he poor into Runt.
We man and Woman now!
We not baba's no more.
'I kiss Runt's eyes.
Now, please don't cause a scene alright Sinead?
He's my whole life him.
My one and only.
He da best!...and worst, pal in dis bad old world.
Wanna walk into the sea and never come back.
Want da tide to take me outta me, and give me someone different.
Dat'd be good wouldn't it Pig?
What'ya mean?
Just to try ya know.
Ha ha ...
you fucker!
D'you fuck her? No? No?
You 'fraid.
You 'fraid she'd leave.
She all you got fella!
You look in the mirror, you happy will want her back, no?
You feel crap!
Notting, I know when fucking see her.
You no happy in da red tank tops,
and you no fuckity fucks, and you cryin like a ....
and you crying like a baba in da mill.
You not happy wit dat.
NO! Damn no happy wit dat Marky boy.
No. No! You're nor happy wit dat Marky!
I wait here for ya Runt.
To pal out yeah?
D'only ting in dis world, dat'd be any good to da Pig...
I tink I know. I tink I know.
I tink I know what I might (?) Runt!
Ask me where she is.
Where?
If you go I can't have you back Darren.
Where?
WHERE Is SHE MUM?
Stay Runt!
I wanna walk into the sea and never come back.
That'd be good wouldn't it pig?
We be army to pal! No fuckers breakin dat!
Promise?
Please Runt? Please Runt?
So what do I call ya?
Your name?
This is not a happy face I have.
I can understand why you've both done this,
it has to do with both'ya being thick.
Very little respect for property, none at all in fact.
I can understand that.
What I do not understand, is that
you Margaret must appreciate what I'm like when I'm place in a situation like this.
How angry I can get.
It's unforgivable what you've done.
Not just to the room, but obvioulsy that too,
but to me.
I'm very big on respect Sinead.
This is not a happy face then,
what sort of face is it?
An ugly face Miss!
No margaret,
it is an angry face.
Next Please.
Where to?
Doneagle.
Where in Doneagle?
Doneagle town is it?
Single or return?
Jesus in your own time!
Single is it?
HOw many?
You're not Spanish are ya!
HOW MANY? ONE OR TWO GRINGO?
One!
You'll be best wit da Irish boys Sinead.
Pasty white skin. Yellow teeth.
The eternal smell of smeg.
Unable to swim, completely addicted to sports.
And an all mighty fuck wit when it comes to matters of fore play.
Bout as tasty as a poached moth ball.
That about sums them up.
How's it goin their Miss Chatterbox?
This's the life.
D'you like flowers?
This's for you.
Friendship thing.
It's a Bluebell.
Deadly name isn't it?
Bluebell.
And that's the Big Blue up their.
Now that, that is what I call tasty.
Once upon a time ya see this grumpy old dad right.
He always fulla da drink.
Always hatin this little boy and girl who is da best of friends.
He always grabbin yeah.
Grabbin like the big dgreat runk monkey that he was.
Those big shitty hands and once again da fat cunt,
he take the hand to da little girls back.
All he want is a nice little baba girl he says.
Well fuck him da boy tinking.
The little boy tinks of a plan to see da wicked daddy put straight.
Cause the little boy and girl know that one day they'll be da king and queen of everything.
And they teach him alright.
And they imagine the pain he feel, as he as tiptoe trough his dead birdies,
he's one and onlys, feeling that sick old pain in his fat old head.
So the next time she feels those rough hands, she finds them real weak.
There he goes.
Grabin and shovin like he always did the old fuck!
So much drink he had on him, he made a real bad mistake.
And how would we know,
dat a big adventure would kick off that very night, for our hero dat is Runt.
Sinead!
And the estate, go crazy looking for the lost girl.
Da police where tinkin she was robbed by some sick pervert or someting.
She suddenly world famous in da kingdom of Pork.
Boy, just stay still and waits.
Lost in the calm of the inside of his little head.
Boy he stay for ages yeah.
Ages and ages, just watin for the Runt.
And as he waits, he starts to imagine da story of Runt's adventure.
And it plays in his little head.
First da man in da car tink it was magic or maybe an angel or some E.T. or someting.
Da poor man, he has so many questions, but da girl, she stays silent of course.
He a sales man he say, but da girl and da boy know who he is.
Dey know lots more about dis man.
And da two, go all over the world it would seem.
Him drivin like a mad man.
A big road a water she sees that leads to no one knows where.
But her always wishen for da little boy to be by her side.... and her heart beats for one.
All the others, tink dat she must be dead.
And dat da poor little boy is all dead inside, with his life long disappeared.
He just wait, and stand and wait and wait.
And dat's when he knows, dat the outside world, dey understand naughting at all.
Cause Pig and Runt, dey both know da salesman he must come back and the salesman he in love.
Love, that brings him back each week on Friday at 10:06.
-Hey -Hey
Dats the story.
It's good in'it?
It sound great, alright.
That's me y'know
You're da king then?
Gonna find her, make her mine, and me hers.
It's the way it's meant to be, in't?
Aye.
Sounds that way.
Dat's how it meant.
Don't mind if I do.
It's good?
Sorry.
It's not really your fault
It looks better now then it did a half hour ago.
Well that's reassurin.
In an hours time I should resemble my fucking mother.
Two years I'll be the picture of our pet dog Roger.
So you can talk?
Yeah.
That's nice.
So are ya dancin?
Does the squirrel fart nuts?
I haven't met one yet that doesn't
Let's make up to shipout then yeah?
Wha?
Let's have you then Roger.
You Bitch!
You're the bitch, Poodle head.
He's close
Hey
Happy Birday Runt.
Happy Birday Pig.
Came all the way by myself.
It's like a big rescue in'it Runt?
Is this the palace?
No.
Then let's fuck off so.
Runt, let's kill the town young.
Happy birthday for today then Sinead.
For today.
Ok.
Now ay!
To speed on and on we duke.
Happy Birthday, happy birthday.
It's all so clear now Runt.
Where before we stay quiet an everything, there has to be a difference now.
You have to think how special those two be.
You have to remember that Runt.
I remember everything, from babas till now.
Every single fucking thing.
An people, they need telling, and sure for de spaz day (?).
That way us gets strong, that way us finds a palace sweetheart.
No more spatula, who they point and gawk at strong we are.
Rejoin, we marry and start brand new.
And dis first day and Pig here has it all planned, it's all planned, love.
Pig and Runt, da King and Queen.
Where are we going Pig?
Dis place.
Darrenn, Sinead.
It's our birday today Foxy.
Yeah? Well happy birthday.
Seventeen, me and her.
It's a special birday in'it?
Yeah. If you say so Darren.
Free drink please.
Jesus Darren. I can't. I'll get sacked man.
Free drink preddy please?
Jesus. Jus, just relax will ya, it's ok.
Hand fucking over Mr. Crabby Balls.
Ok, Darren don't.
Do you want a bag for that there Darren?
Wha?
What? What happens next Foxy?
I Don't know Darren. What happens next?
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
Enough Pig.
What happens next Runt?
Let's keep going Pal.
Pork i r ay pal? What an ugly bunch of old weirdo's.
The fellas look like monkeys in need of a good shave.
Hey, news of da week is let they blow each other up.
True.
Happy birday Pig.
You're my one sweet ting Runt.
Well, better be, better be.
You're da most beautiful gift in da whole world for me Runt.
Alright Pig
Hey
Nice top
Very funny.
I taught you were taken away.
Back for my birday aren't I.
17.
Me and him.
Alright.
Two free pints then, for the birthday girl.
You're lookin great you know.
What's this?
gotta to shake the hand of God, Pal.
What?
Toilet.
Hurry back so.
Great voice. Great voice. Thank you.
Alright, coming at ya, special request.
Birthday presention from the main man himself.
Put your hands together for Darren Cotter.
Alright love.
ff'finally ladies and gents I'll like to tank my best love in the whole wide world,
without who none of me would be possible.
See you, Ill take your head and bounce it off the fucking wall
if you don't get him fucking down ya fucking little cunt.
Alright so?
Too late.
Look, toddle along now mammy, Okie Dokie?
Who the fuck did, who the fuck did this?
I'll burn da fuck who did this.
Let's leave Pal.
Can't leave Runt. You and me babes. Pig and Runt Pal.
LEAVE! Look no fight, no more Pig.
Bond remembers, back when we little babas.
Pig and Runt the King and the Queen.
LEAVE! LEAVE! Let's leave please.
Whoa, girlie you ok?
Oh, Jesus Sinead, this place is to rough for yah.
I'll take y'upstairs alright?
What?
You'll be safe there girl.
You can rest, yeah.
No. No rest, not yet Marky.
Runt?
Calm Runt.
Calm little baby skin.
Jesus, Pig.
What's goin on Pal?
Piggy made tings right.
He smart boy.
Calm!
Just let's go home ay?
Home?
No Runt.
Firt dis.
Pint Pal?
G and T yeah, yeah.
Has to be, has to be. Jonanna Lumely?
And a packet of scabbyfries Pig.
Tree packs Runt.
If you want to suck on those poxy little fishy tings your wish is my demand.
Oh my hero.
I fuck off so.
Pig?
The mack bin in it.
That decor, imagine this your gaffer.
I mean it's beautiful, isn't it Runt?
Yeah, but it's all so friendly and easy Pig.
Yeah, spose.
Hey 17 years of just you and me hey pal?
W'See me dancin here wit a big group of girls.
All dancin as one. All avin a laff ay?
Happ Birday Runt.
Look at that beautiful pair in da mirror dere.
Who dey hey?
Us o'course
Just like they're Mr. and Mrs. hey Runt?
Yeah. 'Xact same
Happy Birday Runt!
'Til next year love.
One day this Palace be all our's they'd say.
Alright now? Feelin better?
Good place dis in'it?
It's like a dream Marky.
Are you okay?
Nice skirt!
Thank you. I made it myself.
But, it's actually a dress.
Oh, o'right.
Well, close enough huh?
Would you like to dance?....wit me?
Where u goin?
That might be nice.
Just for a try ya know.
Come on pal.
She all you got yeah.
Calm me down. Calm me down brodda.
Fun ay wild one?
Dead hun!
Like a big action flick in'it?
Crosshaven Beach.
I know.
I know it has to be stopped, Runt.
You're de only ting in my life Runt.
I know Pig.
Has to be an end, hey?
My ending doh, sweetheart.
And then what?
Then go Runt.
It's blue!
Blues the colour o'love.
And so it's all over then.
Pig and Runt they leave.
Runt all alone it seems.
It's like, I really do want for something else yeah!
Dat silence again.
And so I know, that he too, is silent and safe.
And Runt alone.
She calm.
And you know, da sun, it really is a big beautiful shining thing.
But where to, ay pal?
where to?